I'm not a clinician. I was diagnosed with HSV-2 in 2020, and since then I've talked about it publicly and heard from a lot of people going through it. My content has reached over 200,000 people and my work has been featured by Yale School of Medicine. This page is what I wish every newly diagnosed person, and the people supporting them, knew in the first few months.
What they're usually feeling
- Shame and feeling dirty. Often the loudest feeling, and usually bigger than any physical symptom.
- Fear that nobody will date them again. Many assume their romantic life is over.
- Compulsive research. Hours on forums and search results, often landing on outdated or frightening information.
- Fear of passing it on. Including to people they are not even sleeping with yet.
- Fear of people finding out. Gossip, rumours and being identified.
- Anger. At a past partner, or at themselves.
What helps most
- Accurate facts, early. Genital herpes can be caused by HSV-1 or HSV-2. For most people, outbreaks become less frequent and milder over time. Daily antiviral medication, condoms and avoiding sex during outbreaks each lower the chance of passing it on.
- Separating the diagnosis from identity. A virus they carry, not a verdict on who they are or what they deserve.
- Seeing someone living normally with it. This is what most people tell me they were missing. Nobody around them had been through it.
- Reframing disclosure. Not a confession, but a mutual conversation about sexual health between two adults, had before things get physical.
- A plan before dating again. Deciding their words and timing once, so they are not reinventing it on every date.
What tends to make it worse
- Doom-scrolling forums and Reddit, where the worst stories rise to the top.
- Hiding it from everyone. Total secrecy tends to grow the shame.
- Treating the first rejection as proof that something is wrong with them. A no hurt before the diagnosis too.
- Withdrawing from dating entirely for months or years while waiting to feel ready.
Free resources you can share
- My YouTube channel. Free videos, including a playlist for people who were just diagnosed.
- How to tell someone you have herpes. The framing, timing and words.
- When to tell someone you have herpes. Before things get physical, and why.
- Herpes rejection. What a no actually means.
- Herpes dating apps. For people not ready for regular apps yet.
About me
I'm Christopher Pickering. I've lived with HSV-2 since 2020 and I make free videos and guides about the diagnosis, dating and disclosure. I also coach people one on one who want structured help getting back to dating, which is separate from this page. Nothing here asks your client to pay for anything.
If a client would benefit from hearing from someone who has been through it, feel free to share this page or my videos. Questions are welcome at [email protected].